How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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