Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
