and she was petting her beer can
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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