i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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