I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
