Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
