Soap is not a condiment
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
