I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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