Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
