New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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