Apparently you make a good broom.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
