you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
