That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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