East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
