fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Congratulations! We have a period
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