Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
