I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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