i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this beer tastes like vomit already
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
