You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
