We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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