I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
