through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
