I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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