i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
