she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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