??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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