I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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