i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
