The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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