fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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