I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
