Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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