Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
