Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
