A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You did what with his pubic hair?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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