Me too!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
