the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
