i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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