whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
