Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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