Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
