I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
