My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
MIDGETS
????
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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