She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
