K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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