never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
