she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
