i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Still dying that you shit outside
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
