WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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