You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
