I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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