my mouth tastes like poor choices
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
