Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
