She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
