I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
